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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25226203">All The Bad Dreams You Hide (Show Me Yours And I’ll Show You Mine)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/jonginsomniac/pseuds/jonginsomniac'>jonginsomniac</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, peep the smallest bit of sylvix</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:14:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,507</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25226203</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/jonginsomniac/pseuds/jonginsomniac</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Claude can’t fall asleep at night and Dimitri doesn’t want to. Instead, they spend their nights together secluded in the library.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Claude von Riegan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>51</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>All The Bad Dreams You Hide (Show Me Yours And I’ll Show You Mine)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i couldn't stop thinking about the idea of dimiclaude sneaking away at night in the monastery and then this happened. i'm not even sure if it's good at this point, but i'm posting it anyway. also i took some creative liberties when describing the library, it's been a while since i played fe3h and i was too lazy to check back on how it looked</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Claude yawned silently, stretching his arms over his head, he regretted it immediately when he felt the strain from this morning's training drills catching up to him. He tip-toed his way through the reception hall, slipping through the shadows of the dark, empty hall. He snuck past the door and climbed up the stairs, two steps at a time, towards the library. Out of practice, he made sure to move quietly and remain undetected, but in reality, he knew no one would spot him nor care that he was still awake despite the late hour. </p><p>One secret about Claude was that he was something of an insomniac. </p><p>Claude had a habit of wandering the monastery after nightfall. Far from being a heavy sleeper, he never required more than a few hours of rest. Growing up, he learned to be cautious and quick on his feet and neither of those things could be accomplished in one's sleep. He never quite knew what might await him past his bedroom and this, unfortunately, led him to be somewhat of an insomniac. It drove him insane to lie around in bed or pace in his room, as was the case during his first week at the monastery and so, more often than not, Claude kept himself busy at night by wandering around Gerrg Mach until he sufficiently tired himself out. Sometimes he would run into guards who would escort him back to his room, especially on nights when he would walk around the courtyard or the cathedral, but the library, he found, was a safe option. No one kicked him out of the library, but rather, they usually commended him for his fierce dedication to learning. He wasn't the only one up late in the monastery, occasionally he ran into other fellow insomniacs (every now and then Claude spotted Ashe wandering around the halls, though he never appeared to be in need of company, so he usually left him alone) or students returning from late night trips from the neighboring town (usually Sylvain, though Claude was sure that sometimes he was not returning from town, with nightly attire and his shirt on inside-out, but rather, returning from the room next door). In short, he was not the only night owl of the monastery, but he did mostly keep to himself. No one visited the library after nightfall, the lamps in the room were dim and made reading difficult without natural light. Despite this, Claude usually sat around reading, slowly and laboriously, until his eyes began to strain and he knew sleep was around the corner.</p><p>He turned down the hall on the second floor of the academy and opened the doors to the library. The familiar scent of paper and ink welcomed him before any light caught his eyes. He always found great solace in books. They shared their secrets and gave him answers to his many questions and that was who Claude was: a collector of secrets. He hoarded these secrets of himself, his family, and even his friends. They had several uses too—they were kept for protection, used as leverage, or even used to build trust. And here in the library, he knew more awaited him. There was something fundamentally strange about this monastery and Claude knew that he would have to unearth this mystery. The library catalogue, censored though it may be, was a step forward to understanding the church and Fodlan in general. However, when he opened the door, he quickly realized this goal would not come to fruition, at least not tonight. He walked into the library to find Dimitri hunched over, scribbling notes. The sound of the door shutting behind him alerted the prince to look up from his books.</p><p>"Oh, Claude," Dimitri noted. He didn't continue, but paused his writing and looked up at the boy in surprise. Claude quickly recovered from his initial bit of shock as an easy smile settled back on his face. The room was dim save for the few lamps clustered around the table farthest from the doors where Dimitri worked and the patches of moonlight filtering through the high ceiling windows. He walked over to the prince and took a seat in front of him. </p><p>"What are you doing here so late? Reading some of the library's banned collection of literature?" Claude mused. Contrary to his teasing, which was more of a reflexive response for Claude, he was put off by the appearance of the prince. He was not used to seeing people in the library so late, much less Dimitri of all people. He was not opposed to having company during his late night library sessions, but he knew that he would be much more at ease if said company was someone in his house, or almost any other student period. He and Dimitri were on good terms, as he was with most other students, he supposed. Claude went to great lengths to achieve the perfect distance between him and most of the students, close enough for friendly banter, but far enough to avoid any of the real intimacies of friendship, however when it came to Dimitri, he felt like he had to take an extra step back. He wasn't sure what it was, perhaps it was because Dimitri was a king-to-be or perhaps it was because he sometimes looked as if he wasn't quite all there, but something about the prince always made Claude apprehensive. <em>Oh well</em>, he thought to himself in resignation, it wasn't like he could leave now even if he wanted to. </p><p>"Very funny, Claude." Dimitri muttered, looking a tad bit flustered. His eyes returned back to his book. "If you must know, I am simply doing some further readings from our lecture this morning." </p><p>"And what brings you here so late?" Dimitri continued, his eyes still scanning his book while he continued to write down notes. From across the table, Claude could not make out the actual content of his notes as much as he could make out his generally neat penmanship (a stark contrast to Claude's own messy and barely legible writing). </p><p>"I usually sleep late." Claude replied, shrugging, not exactly lying. He knew from experience that conversations worked best when only half truths were spoken. Telling people the truth begged for follow up questions because the truth was always more complicated. Dimitri nodded and continued to work on his readings. Claude rested his cheek against his palm and lazily watched the boy quietly work away. He should have walked away and grabbed his own book to read (at the moment, Claude was making his way through the works of early historians of Fodlan), but he didn’t feel like leaving Dimitri just yet. For one, It was rare to see the boy dressed down. He dressed in a loose white tunic, his billowing sleeves dragging across his notebook as he continued to scribble in it. His hair was messier than usual too, just slightly. Claude noticed the strands of blond misplaced and upright on his head like he had already been to bed and woken up. He realized he had been staring for too long. </p><p>"Why are you studying so late at night?" Claude asked, realizing a second too late that he sounded a little too interrogative. He did not know how to assess the situation so his curiosity got the best of him.</p><p>"Well, unfortunately, not all of us have an aptitude for tactical strategies like you do." Dimitri finally looked up and met Claude's gaze. The first thing that Claude noticed, looking at the prince's face glowing dimly over the lamp light between them, was how tired he looked. He looked hollow, Claude thought, as he watched the shadows dance around the sharp angles and dips of his face. He felt like he was looking at the prince for the first time. It was not the appearance he was accustomed to seeing. Dimitri was always the image of the perfect student—studious, hard working, well liked by students and faculty, unbelievably kind and chivalrous. Right now, Dimitri looked raw, the wary lines that drew across his face made him look older. Even the blue in his eyes, which contrasted his pale skin and yellow hair, felt pallid and dull.</p><p>"Well then," Claude felt himself hesitate as if he was a step away from descending down a dark, boundless staircase. The first cautious step towards something inevitably dangerous. "I can help you out, if you like." He wasn't sure what it was about the boy that made him feel like he was entering the unknown, but the prince piqued his interest and Claude was never one to shy away from danger if he believed it would yield favourable results. </p><p>Dimitri looked at Claude in surprise, eyes widening for a quick second. He wasn't sure why. He looked back down at his book, but did not continue writing, likely contemplating the offer. He supposed he could have mentioned assisting the prince during the day and worked on his own readings in the meantime, but he couldn't take it back now and so, Claude found himself anticipating Dimitri's response. The prince looked up again from his book, lips pursed. He sighed in defeat.</p><p>"Then if you don't mind, I had a couple of questions I was going to save for our professor, but maybe you can assist me instead." Dimitri pushed his book forward, moving it closer to Claude. Claude leaned in.</p>
<h1>---</h1><p>"I'm surprised, Claude." Hilda stated in that sing-song voice of hers, leaning in and scrutinizing the boy as the two of them leave the classroom. Claude yawned, his feet dragged against the grass, pulling him forward step-by-step towards the dining hall. </p><p>"And why is that?" </p><p>"You look so tired! I saw you nearly dozing off in class. You're usually eating up every word of the professor." Hilda exclaimed. She raised her brow. "What were you doing last night, hmm?" Claude felt himself scowl. Hilda, despite all her claims of being an inattentive or lazy student, was incredibly sharp and observant. This was something he admired about her up until now, he thought. He spent the majority of the night helping Dimitri. Nothing special transpired; he went over the last few lectures they covered in class and helped Dimitri with a few of their assignment questions (he was not lying when he said battle strategy was not his strong suit). They worked slowly and before Claude knew it, they were only hours away from sunrise and he was expected to wake up soon. He had told Dimitri that they should finish up now, but the prince insisted on staying for another minute or two, leaving Claude to go back to his room alone and promptly fall asleep for about two hours before he had to wake up for class. Now, he was unfortunately tired. He might have been an insomniac, but he still needed some hours of sleep to function sufficiently. In any case, he had no intention of telling Hilda any of this. </p><p>"I was just up late doing some research for an assignment, I got a little too caught up on the book I was reading." Claude lied, smiling. </p><p>"Gross." Hilda replied, looking at him, repelled as if he had just described an unsightly medical condition or Lorenz's cooking, not Claude's attempt to be a good student. Claude rolled his eyes and smiled.</p><p>The dining hall was quickly filling up by the time the two of them got there. The stomping of boots and chatter filled the dining hall creating a cheery buzz that echoed across the high ceiling halls. There was something nice about mealtimes at the monastery; it was a rare time where all the students could come together as a united body. Most of the time, they were divided into their separate houses and when they were called together for classes, it was usually only to pit them against one another during mock battles and training. Any sense of rivalry or bitterness in battle between classmates and houses seemed to apparently melt away, even only temporarily, during this period. </p><p>Hilda and Claude entered the line up for lunch. Claude, too tired to care about what he puts into his mouth, grabbed the first sandwich he saw and placed it on his tray. They grab their trays and find a table already gathered by their other house members. Claude slipped into the edge of the table, in the hopes of minimizing any conversations that came his way. Today, he was tired and admittedly still distracted from last night. </p><p>He absentmindedly took a few bites of his sandwich, resisting the urge to look up from his meal. He gave up on this quickly and looked up, scanning around the hall to find a familiar head of cropped, blond hair. It was not hard to find as Dimitri was both a head taller than most of the student body and sitting at the table directly in front of him. Claude watched as the prince engaged in conversation with his childhood friends. He couldn't make out the conversation from where he sat, but he could see Ingrid yelling and Sylvain laughing and Dimitri characteristically unamused at Sylvain's jokes. He looked as he always did, pompous and proper, only the smallest reflection of the boy he saw last night who looked hollow and worn. Claude's gaze lingered; he found himself studying the prince: his hair that sometimes fell over azure eyes, broad shoulders, slender hands. He turned his gaze away and focused back on his own table of friends, mindlessly finishing his sandwich and tuning into the conversations of his housemates. </p><p>That night Claude fell asleep easy. Or relatively easy anyway. He did not stay awake too long past nightfall after having completed his school work while lounging in his bed (there were towers of books on his desk and Claude had little intention of moving them). Once completed, he tossed his work onto the ground and blew out the lamp by his bed. It did not take long after that to fall asleep; it must have been the first day in months that Claude had fallen asleep by midnight. After a long and unusual night before, Claude was happy to let sleep take over. However, falling asleep early had an unfortunate consequence. It was still dark when he had woken up. He blinked a couple of times, confused for a moment as to why it was so dark until he realized the sun had not risen yet. </p><p>And worse, he was wide awake. </p><p>He spent a few more minutes in bed, tossing and turning. With nothing else to do, he got up and got dressed. After washing up in the baths and picking up his mess from last night, he left his room. Once outside, the sky began to lighten. It was just before dawn and everything around him looked muted and gray. He walked away from the dormitory, unsure of where to go. He briefly considered the library, but decided against it. He doubted he'd meet anyone there this time, Dimitri had to have also been tired from the night before, but still he didn't want to go and find out. Instead, he went towards the greenhouse, book in hand, and sat on the bench. </p><p>He had enough practice reading in dim lighting to be able to sit outside and read while the sky began to bloom. Slowly, red and orange and yellow peaked over the horizon, pushing way the night and its stars. When he couldn't concentrate on the scribbles on the page he opted to stare out at the sky. He watched the colours change and brighten and spread, watched as the shadows collected around him. It was peacefully silent with only the faint sounds of chirping birds and water running from the lake. It reminded him of home. He missed his old home with its open courtyards and large windows (windows that Claude would often use to sneak out of his room). He didn't realize it until then, but being in the academy has kept him busy and mostly away from the outdoors. Most of the time he was moving from building to building, from the classroom to the training ground to the library to the dining hall. He appreciated this small moment of quiet. </p><p>His thoughts were interrupted by soft footsteps in the distance. It was faint, but Claude's senses were sharp. He turned back to see what other soul was stumbling into the yard ready for an early start to the day like himself. Instead he watched Dimitri make his way into the dormitories. The prince, dressed down in the similar tunic and trousers Claude had seen him in last night and carrying a couple of books under his right arm, made his way up to the second floor of the dormitories. Claude raised his brow. He guessed he was too far away for Dimitri to notice. He also guessed from the books that Dimitri was returning from the library again. He continued to stare in the direction of the dormitories even after Dimitri left, trying to decide what to do with this information. </p><p>Claude sighed. What could be done with it? It was one more secret for Claude to keep in his pocket. </p><p>The rest of Claude's day ran smoothly. He was awake and attentive in class, he conversed with his fellow housemates, cracked jokes when necessary, and fell back to his regular routine. The final bell rang late in the afternoon dismissing the students for the remainder of the day. Claude left the training ground and found the sky in the same red, orange, and yellow he'd woken up to this morning. The days were shrinking, he thought.</p><p>"Man, I am exhausted." Hilda sighed, following after Claude. It would not be a training session unless Hilda complained about feeling either tired or dirty. </p><p>"Me too. And I actually had to put all the equipment away unlike somebody." Claude smirked. </p><p>"Hey, I already told you, my arm is injured." Hilda protested, feigning insult. She held up her apparently injured arm. Claude stared at her blankly and Hilda stared back, scowling, her limp arm still held up in the air. They both burst out laughing. </p><p>"Honestly, I am not mad, Hilda. Someday I will get you to use your powers of manipulation in the battlefield and we'll be victorious without even lifting a finger." Claude understood that Hilda's wonderful skill of getting people to do what she wanted would one day come in handy. So, in the meantime, he let her continue to hone her skills even at his own expense. </p><p>"Hey, don't stay up so late tonight. Good night, Claude." Hilda waved at the boy as they parted ways in the dormitories. Claude stayed in his room for only a minute to change and drop off his things before going to the bath to freshen up. While returning to his room, he ran into Sylvain and Dimitri exiting their rooms. Their rooms were right next to his own, but he only occasionally saw them in the dormitories. Mostly, the boys ran on different schedules. He smiled his usual smile reserved for every day niceties and returned back into his room. </p><p>Typically, Claude waited until it was well past nightfall to begin roaming around the academy again in order to avoid as many people as possible. In particular, he wanted to avoid the guards that tended to only be stationed around exit points at night with only a few patrolling around the academy. This was mostly out of practice as he did not particularly enjoy explaining himself to the guards when they asked where he was going so late at night. Tonight, Claude decided to return to the library. It was that time of the year when the sun shined heavily during the day, but the evenings and nights left one chilled, so Claude did not particularly want to spend the night outside. This left him with very little else to do other than to return to the library. He blew out the lamp in his room and entered the dark halls. He tip-toed his way over to the library as usual until he was in front of those heavy wooden doors once more. </p><p>He opened the door and, much like last time, found only a couple of lamps lit around a single table and the same golden haired boy. This time, Claude was not as surprised. This would be the third night in a row, that he knew of, that Dimitri had spent in the library. While he was not exactly surprised anymore, he was increasingly curious. He no longer believed that the prince was simply using these late hours to get ahead of school material. It was impractical. Dimitri, as far as Claude knew, was doing well both academically and on the field and thus, had no need to sacrifice sleep to spend hours into the night pouring over books. He was intelligent and resourceful as any of the other leaders of the house. </p><p>Dimitri looked up as Claude made his way to the table. </p><p>"Hello your Highness, fancy meeting you here again." Claude remarked. He had contemplated sitting by another table so as not to distract the prince and so that he could focus on his own readings this time, but decided against it. Despite rarely speaking to each other alone, he supposed that he had to be on good terms with Dimitri and Edelgard. Oftentimes, when the archbishop and the professors needed to convey any announcements to the student body, the leaders were the medium for their communication. Once the leaders received the reports, they reported back to their houses. Moreover, he had spent plenty of time with the two leaders alone to discuss student events and upcoming missions. But this was different. They were not together on a mandated meeting nor were they entirely truthful on why they were here at all. All this left Claude slightly hesitant on how to approach the situation. </p><p>"Oh, hello Claude. I am just doing some school work again." Dimitri replied, gesturing to the books laid across the table in front of him. </p><p>"It must be difficult being a model student. You don't seem to have any time for sleep?" Claude mused, pulling up the chair in front of Dimitri and taking a seat. The prince returned to his books, his eyes scanning the book laid out on top of the others. </p><p>"Well, I don't really need a lot of sleep, so I rather use this spare time to work." Dimitri replied casually. After a moment he looked up at the other boy. "Also, don't jest about me being the model student, Claude, you are really better at this stuff than I am." Dimitri added, frowning, not with any contempt, but something more along the lines of teasing, Claude thought. Claude bit back a smile. He got out of his seat, grabbing a lamp with him. He turned around swiftly, hiding the heat rising to his cheeks, and moved towards shelves of books. </p><p>"We all have our strengths," Claude replied, smiling quietly in the dark as he moved his lamp over the shelf of books to catch a glimpse at the titles. Finding the book he had been looking for (another history book), he returned back to his seat. "For example, you are ridiculously strong and as a result, you don't see much use in battle strategy. Hence why, last time we spoke, most of your tactics involved throwing your soldiers out in the open to attack as many enemies at once." Claude continued, smiling mischievously at the prince. Dimitri frowned again, he looked back down at his books, contemplating. </p><p>"You are... not wrong." Dimitri eventually said. Claude chuckled in response and opened up his book. He did intend to do some reading tonight. A silence crept over the room as the two boys returned to their work, each with their own books laid out across the table. Only the occasional sound of scribbling ink and turning pages could be heard. Claude yawned, the book was factual, he supposed, but he already knew from other books he had read and from previous lectures during his childhood, that it was heavily simplified. It hardly offered any new information and seemed to gloss over certain topics regarding previous wars in the country. Eventually, he peaked up from his current page and looked at the prince across the table. Dimitri rested his face on his palm and stared at his book, frowning. When he would blink, Claude observed, he occasionally kept his eyes closed for a moment too long. He knew these were telltale signs of a student who was either too tired or simply was not getting it (he saw similar expressions on his classmates). </p><p>"Hey, if you need help, you can ask." To his surprise, the words came out before Claude put much thought into them. Claude felt flustered for a second; he quickly collected himself and re-established his practiced smile. He wasn't sure what exactly possessed him to say it except that the prince looked like he needed help and, Claude thought, it wasn't just with his school work. He was observant by nature, he had to be, but he was not one to pry for no purpose. He didn't push people's boundaries if he didn't need to, not when he clearly set up and fortified his own. </p><p>"I, uh," Dimitri, equally unsure of the situation, looked up at Claude once more. He gazed at the other boy, a second too long, lost in his thoughts. Claude stared back at his wary face, also for a second too long, he looked so tired. </p><p>"Thank you, Claude." Dimitri finally replied. He tugged his lips into the smallest smile, just barely visible to the other boy. Claude felt his chest tighten for a moment. He smiled back. </p><p>"Also, if you ever need help, I'd be happy to lend a hand." Dimitri continued, gesturing to his book, limp and practically forgotten, in Claude's hand. "I quite enjoy history." </p><p>This became another secret for Claude to store. He didn't know where to keep it nor what use it would have for him. Could he use this to his advantage? Perhaps only to be slightly more proficient in Fodlan's history (Dimitri was born here after all). Could he use it in the future? Not exactly. But it was a secret nonetheless. The two boys continued to meet in the library every night. Mostly, they spent their time busy with their own work, enjoying each other's company in silence, Claude reading his books and Dimitri getting ahead on their class assignments. Sometimes they stopped to ask each other questions. Less often, they would discuss matters outside of their little library: upcoming missions, school events, marketplace gossip. It was very new for Claude to spend his nights with company and he never entered the library entirely expecting the prince to be there. Every night as he snuck through the monastery, he opened the doors to the library expecting to be met with nothing but books and ink and old wooden tables and every night, Dimitri seemed to be there. They never spoke about it during the day nor did they ever arrive at the library together. Claude simply found the prince there every night. Claude admittedly didn't dislike Dimitri's company either. For the most part, they kept to themselves and even when they didn't, the nights were long and sometimes it was nice to have someone to chat with if only about the books that were laid out in front of them. Just as Dimitri was always the first to come, he was also the last to go. Claude always left first and unlike their first encounter, he left when he began to feel tired and sleep was beginning to claim him. </p><p>"Good night, Claude. I'll return to the dormitory in just a moment." Dimitri would always state, busy scribbling into the pages of his notebook, as Claude would collect his things and return the library's books to their shelves. He wanted to pursue the topic further—ask him why he insisted on working so late into the night, but he knew a boundary line when he saw it. Wasting hours of the night with Dimitri wasn't terrible, but he knew he couldn't cross that line. So, he kept quiet. They danced around the topic and found other things to discuss instead. </p><p>"Hey, would you recommend this book?" Claude asked, sitting down by the table—the same table they always sat at, furthest from the door—and placing a book in front of Dimitri. Dimitri looked up from his notebook. He rubbed his eyes to seem fully awake. The book in question was a collection of biographies of early rulers in Fodlan. Most of these rulers were people Claude learned about when he arrived at Fodlan and received lessons from a home tutor, however this was the primary source. He assumed it would be a good idea to read the original and make his own opinion of them.</p><p>"Yes, have you not read it yourself? The author is a much more credible historian than some of the authors before him. In Fhirdiad, we studied this book quite thoroughly." Dimitri stated rather passionately compared to his earlier state of drowsiness. His face lit up above the lamp light as he spoke, "Unlike other historians who presented any rumour or gossip about rulers as fact, the author here was particularly good at dismissing rumours that were founded on no evidence." </p><p>"I see," Claude replied. He pulled the book back and started flipping through the pages until he found a table of contents. He skimmed down the list. "What kind of rumours or gossip are we talking about?" Claude asked, resting his face on his palm while idly flipping through the pages. </p><p>"Well it's different for any given ruler, but whenever there was a ruler that was not well liked by the people or simply disliked by the author, it often gave way to false tales of murdering family members, illicit affairs, bribing officials, or some other moral transgression. For rulers who were eventually assassinated or dethroned, these kinds of rumours help justify the change in power." Dimitri explained. </p><p>"Hmm, sounds tough." Claude replied, not feeling particularly sympathetic towards the past rulers. A lot of what Claude hoped to do in the future involved undoing these leaders' laws. Dimitri didn't reply for a moment.</p><p>"I don't know if they deserved it or not, but my tutor growing up used it as a strict lesson on the importance of maintaining an image as a ruler. You have to decide what kind of a leader you want to be and conceal any part of you that may stray away from that image." Dimitri finally said, his voice quieter this time.</p><p>Claude looked up. The prince looked away, staring at the opposite end of the table where the moonlight was streaming down through the windows. Claude had always guessed that this was the case for Dimitri—he did what he could to fit into the mold of a great prince. It was always a little too perfect and practiced and it was in these moments at night when Claude saw the prince, tired, sleepy, restlessly working despite it all, he saw someone who no longer fit that mold. He saw the shadow of the boy who walked during the day. Claude frowned. It wasn't his business, he reminded himself.</p><p>But what if it was? When Dimitri sat in front of him looking the way he did—mysterious, melancholic, and simply just sad—was he not allowed to reach out if he could? Claude was not sure if he could bring the prince into the light and make peace with all the parts of him that he fought hard to keep in the dark—the parts Claude had begun to like—because Claude was not sure if he belonged to the light either. But could he not at the very least provide some light in the darkness? Cast a flame into a lamp? </p><p>"Hey," Claude started. He caught the prince's attention again, returning from his thoughts, he turned to Claude. Claude drew closer, leaning against the table, he spoke firmly, "Why are you here every night? Aren't you tired?" </p><p>Dimitri looked at the boy blankly, unseeing, but caught off-guard. Then, he laughed. It was a short laugh, hollow and bitter, and it made Claude frown again.</p><p>"Yes, I am very tired." Dimitri replied, still smiling. He didn't elaborate. He only yawned and pushed his hair back from his face. </p><p>"I could ask you the same thing. You are always wandering around at night aren't you?" Dimitri continued. Claude flushed, slightly taken aback, he was under the impression he was moving undetected. As far as he knew, he had always been alone. He only rarely met other students and even then, he kept his distance. Claude was always the one watching others from afar. Observing and recording in his head their movements. It felt strange to know that he was being watched as well. Dimitri was observant, Claude thought, soberly. But maybe he had to be for much the same reasons as Claude. Neither of them had the luxury of going to bed at night feeling safe. Dimitri was a prince and there are always going to be those who want to get rid of royalty, moreover, someone in Fhirdiad had succeeded in doing so. His entire family was murdered save for himself. He supposed that had to make someone cautious and observant of their surroundings. </p><p>Claude leaned back in his chair. He used his leg to push the chair off the ground and let it balance on its hind legs, tipping forward and backwards with the push of his legs. He considered his options. Forward and backwards. He stopped then, the front legs of the chair falling back to the ground. Finally, he explained, "Well, I learned very early on, from first hand experience, that plenty of people would be happy to see me dead. So I've always tried to minimize the hours I needed to sleep. The longer I am awake, the longer I stay vigilant." </p><p>"I know the monastery is probably safe and I could sleep without worrying, but old habits die hard. It's too cold to really be outside these days, so I've been coming to the library to keep busy instead." Claude continued, shrugging. He tried to sound nonchalant, but it was the first time he was being completely open with someone here in the monastery. Full truth, no half truths. He had lived his life in these half-truths. Even the most basic facts of Claude's life were slightly muddled—a few details always omitted or fudged. If Claude was a puzzle to people, he was a puzzle that was always a few pieces short. Those pieces he kept hidden to himself. He wasn't entirely sure what possessed him to open up to Dimitri. Maybe it was because the two boys were more alike than Claude had initially thought or perhaps it was because he secretly hoped that the prince would see this as an invitation to be more honest about himself as well. In either case, he was a bit relieved with being able to say it. He smiled and added, "Also, It's kind of nice having some company, I suppose." </p><p>Dimitri leaned back on his chair. He put his arm on the armrest and rested his cheek against his fist. He smiled, this time it was less upsetting. It reached his eyes. The light from the lamps danced along his face.</p><p>"You know Claude, I think I really understand you and you really understand me." Claude chuckled and said nothing. He understood.</p>
<h1>---</h1><p>If things changed after that, it was only slightly. Dimitri appeared more relaxed at night as if a small weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He spoke to Claude more; he asked him about his day and discussed his own (mostly, Claude found, about his training drills and sparring). Sometimes when he complained about being tired, Claude would only hum in response knowing that nothing he said would make the prince go to bed, and then Dimitri would continue on with his work. Grieving annoyances or complaints, Claude knew, was not something the prince had the privilege of doing. He understood that this was a side of Dimitri that many did not see—a side that Claude was now open to see. There were other times when Dimitri would lay his head on the desk on top of his books and rest his eyes for no more than a minute or two before he forced himself back up and returned to his books. Claude would peak through the book in his hand and watch him silently, sometimes hoping that he would fall asleep.</p><p>Claude also found that this friendliness and ease that now manifested between the boys seemed to exist outside of the library too because sometimes when Claude would look up, he would see Dimitri there—in the dining hall, the courtyard, the training hall—usually with one of his friends waving at Claude. More often than before, Claude found himself running into Dimitri all over the academy. They didn't say much, still spending most of their time with their respective housemates. Dimitri with his childhood friends or Dedue and Claude with Hilda and the others. But when their paths did cross, he'd smile at Claude, a small and easy smile, that made Claude feel bare and exposed. The smile, starkly different from how Dimitri appeared to the other students (forcibly bright), was gentle and relaxed; it spoke of late nights, white moonlight streaming through windows, dusty old books, and hushed conversations between the two boys. It made heat rise to Claude's cheek and his heartbeat a little too fast. He wanted to ignore those physical reactions, but he was too smart to feign ignorance. He knew what it all meant and he didn't like it. </p><p>One night while the two of them sat in the library, Claude looked up from his book ready to ask the other a question only to find the prince fast asleep over the table. One arm pillowed his head while the other laid spread across the table over the sprawled books. Thick strands of blond fell over his closed lids. Claude could hear Dimitri's slow, even breaths and watched his body rise and sink softly. He knew to pull his eyes away, but he could not. He watched the prince for another minute struck by the small details of Dimitri's face (his long, pale eyelashes, his parted pink lips, the faded scar on his cheek) and ignored the knots in his stomach. He imagined reaching over the table and tucking the strands of hair back behind his ears. He squashed the desire immediately and returned to his book, the words on the page appearing much more dull than when he first started reading.</p><p>He forced himself to continue reading and got through another page or so before he was interrupted by the sound of Dimitri's pained voice. </p><p>"No, stop..." Claude put down his book and looked over at the prince, still fast asleep. He wondered for a short moment if he had simply misheard him, but the prince started again. Claude leaned in to hear Dimitri's quiet mumbling, "Please, don't do this..." </p><p>He continued his protests, raising his voice suddenly and then mumbling what sounded like jumbled nonsense. His body began to tremble too, but still he stayed asleep. Claude froze in his seat; he wasn't sure what to do. Did he let him continue to sleep, tormented in his dreams, or wake him up and leave him exhausted as usual? He felt himself before that same boundary line as before—the first step down an unknown set of stairs—and he was not sure how to descend downwards. The only thought that came to Claude's mind was of a handful of memories during his boyhood when he was too afraid to fall asleep for fear of the dark figures that would haunt him and steal him from his home. It was during this time that Claude began to understand his place in the world, that it was a fragile position with many looking to take it. There was only one way Claude would fall asleep during those days and it would be when his mother would come to his bed, lie down next to the child, and hold his hand (her hand was always warmer than Claude's). She would quietly hum lullabies until Claude was no longer afraid to close his eyes. He didn't think that was a plausible solution in this case, but he found his mind was empty of any other ideas. So, he reached out across the table and held Dimitri's hand. </p><p>"It's okay, Dimitri. It's okay." Claude repeated in a soft and gentle tone he did not know he had. He squeezed his hand lightly, just enough to hope the prince somehow knew he was not alone, but not enough to wake him up. <em>It's okay, it's okay, it's okay.</em> For a while, the protests didn't stop, they started and then trailed off, reduced to less and less coherent mumbles. <em>Please, don't.... Stop, help... Someone help m…</em> Dimitri's cries were haunting; Claude did not know what to do other than to continue holding his hand. Another minute passed and he considered waking him up again, but then Dimitri suddenly quieted down, his last protests trailing off and his body stilling. Still tense, Claude did not let go of the prince nor did he stop his fumbling attempts to comfort him. Eventually, Dimitri appeared to quiet down completely, his body quietly rising and sinking as before. Claude stopped speaking, but he was still afraid to let go of the prince's hand. Just for a moment longer, Claude foolishly thought to himself. Dimitri’s hand was limp and warm under his own and once it had all quieted down, he noticed it was damp. </p><p>Another ten minutes go by and Claude thought it was safe to let go. A foolish thought as his hand likely played no part in calming Dimitri down. Whatever he had been dreaming had passed. He took a moment to collect himself, noticing that his own heart had been pounding against his chest. He kept his gaze on Dimitri, even in this quiet sleep, the prince was frowning. His expression looked pained and his eyes were tense behind his curtain of hair. Claude could guess that he was not completely spared from his nightmares yet. He wiped his forehead with the back of his hand and rubbed his eyes. He was tired and needed to go to bed. However, leaving the prince here would be cruel, so Claude continued to wait until he woke. </p><p>It happened another ten minutes later. Dimitri woke up in a startle, dazed and confused, he looked around to regain his barring. Dimitri immediately straightened himself in his seat and rubbed the sleep from his eyes.</p><p>"Hey sleepyhead." Claude stated in his perfectly practiced, cool tone. He picked his book again and stared at the letters. He had considered discussing the matter, explaining what he had seen and asking if the prince was okay, but he was afraid that he had overstepped into something too private to witness. Even without Dimitri's explanation of the situation, Claude can very well connect the dots. He knew, in so many details, what the prince had experienced growing up. He knew Dimitri had witnessed the death of his entire family and other loved ones. He knew that experiences like those can only haunt a person like ghosts creeping in the shadows. Claude understood. So he didn't intend to bring it up unless the prince spoke of it first. </p><p>"Oh, Claude, sorry I fell asleep." Dimitri replied, listlessly, staring at the ground. </p><p>"Don't apologize. You should just go to bed if you're tired." Claude replied, despite knowing that this is the last thing the prince would do. </p><p>"No, no, I am quite alright. I'll just finish up the rest of this assignment first." Dimitri quickly stammered out. He broke his gaze and organized his station which had become messy during his sleep, collecting loose papers and re-opening closed books. Claude stared blankly at his own book pretending to read. The words may as well have been in a foreign language at this point as he was not processing a word of it. He peaked from his pages to look up at the prince as he began to refocus on his school work, or so he appeared to be doing. Silence hung in the air, but Claude pretended to seem unbothered. </p><p>"Um, did I say anything in my sleep?" Dimitri eventually inquired. He fidgeted in his seat and began to tap his pen against the desk. "I've been told I sometimes speak in my sleep, I hope I didn't say anything strange." He stated sheepishly. </p><p>"No, not at all. You were sound asleep." Claude replied, his eyes turned back to his book and he flipped the page. He was unable to look at Dimitri in the eyes while he lied.</p>
<h1>---</h1><p>Claude tried to remain unfazed by last night's events, but it was a futile venture. Dimitri's voice haunted him when he went to bed, the torment in his voice made Claude's stomach sink. He lied in bed, curling his arms around his body, while his thoughts ran ahead of him. He stayed awake at night imagining what horrors Dimitri dreamt of. He tried to distract himself the next morning, busying himself with class lessons and his housemates, but the moment he was alone with his thoughts he found that they circled back to only one thing, that is, Dimitri. Claude knew that what he witnessed from Dimitri was one terrible night out of hundreds of other terrible nights. Claude had likely opened the door to something bigger. This, the nightmares, was something Dimitri had been running from every night. The horrors of his past kept the prince from sleeping. For all of Claude's resourcefulness, his schemes and concoctions, there was nothing that he could do to help. And he did want to help. There was no denying what Claude had begun to feel for the prince. Now, he felt nothing but hurt swell in his chest when he thought about the prince, like a black stone had been lodged in his heart. He could not stand aside and watch, yet what else could he do? </p><p>He continued to keep Dimitri company at night, staying as long as he could without jeopardizing his own health. He used the time to learn more about the prince, carefully trying to peel away at his hardened shell. The more Claude learned about him, the more he felt pulled to him like a magnetic force. He learned a collection of seemingly useless facts about Dimitri: what his favourite meals were in the dining hall, his favourite books, seasons, desserts, and weapons of choice, which subjects he enjoyed most and which he didn't. And carefully, Claude asked more about Dimitri's past, about Fhirdiad, his family, and childhood memories. </p><p>"How do you cope with the cold up there? I don't think I could ever do it." Claude once asked. The thought of living somewhere with snow up to his waist made him shiver. Dimitri laughed. Contrary to what Claude would have assumed, his face was often the most animated when he spoke of his childhood. </p><p>"Hunting during the warmer seasons was essential for the fur we used during the colder seasons. I used to be so impatient about wanting to join my father on his hunts." Dimitri recalled, his expression softened. He rolled up his sleeve and exposed a long pink streak that ran across his pale arm. He laid his arm across the table for examination and spoke warmly, "When I did end up going on my first hunt, this is what happened." </p><p>Claude frowned, he could not imagine such an injury healing well. He looked up from Dimtri's arm and saw that, despite the scar, he was smiling. He still looked back at the memory with fondness, he noted. Claude, acting mostly on impulse, reached out and thumbed the scar. He felt the raised, scar tissue and traced it along his arm. He wondered if the boy had any more scars (Claude assumed he did) and where they were. He wanted to trace them all out across his skin like constellations across the sky, he wanted to know where to find them and learn their shapes. </p><p>Claude pulled away when he realized his hand had lingered too long. He looked at the prince, the red in his cheeks barely visible in the light. He suspected his own face was no better with the way heat was rising to his cheeks. He wished it could have been like this all the time. He wished they could have been two boys who snuck away in the dark to meet each other for no other reason than to spend time together. He wished they didn't have to run away from their shadows and demons and that their past could stay buried there where it belonged. </p><p>"That must've been some hunt." Claude finally replied. He couldn't shake his thoughts. He felt himself longing for something that didn't exist and it made him upset. Claude was a practical man. He knew when to focus on the present, when to look forward to the future, and sometimes, when to dwell on the past. He knew he needed to focus on the here and now—not on a false world where he could be happy with a Dimitri who had no scars. "But at the end, you won right? That's why you're still here today." </p><p>Dimitri's eyes widened before a smile settled on his face.</p>
<h1>---</h1><p>When Claude entered the library the next night, he found Dimitri asleep once again. Claude tip-toed his way over to his usual seat in front of the prince and quietly pulled back the chair to sit. Dimitri slept quietly, much like last time with his arms pillowing his head. It had been just past midnight when Claude had left his room. Dimitri must have been exhausted to fall asleep so quickly. Claude was on high alert this time. He did not bother opening up his book or any futile attempts to read it. His focus was entirely on the prince. He felt as if he was ready for an attack, his mind and body ready on the offense waiting for the right opening. But that was not the case, Claude reminded himself. He could not attack the nightmares away from Dimitri. He steadied his heart and tried to stay calm. He entertained the idea that Dimitri was perhaps having a dreamless night, simply deep in black slumber. </p><p>This was not the case. It must have been about twenty minutes of quiet sleep before Claude could hear whimpering from the other boy. He did not make any protests this time, instead his body trembled in his seat and a pained groan slipped from his lips. Claude got up from his seat and slid into the seat next to Dimitri, pulling the chair out to face the prince. He may have been more prepared to witness the scene, but he was no more prepared to handle it. </p><p>"Dimitri, everything is okay." He mumbled uselessly as he reached over to grab the other's hand with both of his. Dimitri began to protest again, his voice louder and more desperate. Claude quickly realized that this was not like last time—it was worse. </p><p>"Stop, Stop!" Dimitri pleads grew louder, echoing across the dark library, like a raging ghost. It even startled Claude. Claude let go of the other's hand and let it fall limp onto the table. This time he grabbed his shoulder. </p><p>"Dimitri, wake up, it's just a dream." He shook the boy. A part of him was afraid to shake hard, but he knew better than to treat the prince like glass. Dimitri screamed himself awake, a violent <em>no</em> piercing threw the air as he jolted himself off the table. </p><p>"It's okay, Dimitri. Just breathe." Claude placed his hands on the other's shoulders, making the prince face him. He drew him closer. Dimitri's breath was harsh and erratic. His hair stuck in clumps on his damp face. It made Claude's heart sink, but he ignored everything his own body was screaming and focused on the prince. He didn't look like he was listening to anything Claude was saying, but he didn't stop attempting to sooth him anyway. <em>It's okay, just breathe. It's okay.</em> His head was low, eyes staring blankly at the space between them. Tears were streaming down his face, Claude felt them fall onto his lap. Claude pulled him into a tight embrace, the prince did nothing but continue to sob onto his shoulder. He sank into Claude as if he was a sack of flesh—his body limp in Claude's embrace. Claude's body moved only in reactions. He held the boy like both their lives depended on it and stroked his hand down Dimitri's back—something else his mother used to do when Claude was afraid. He had hardened his heart when he arrived in Fodlan, he did not know how to care for people other than to follow what his mother had once done for him.</p>
<h1>---</h1><p>The next day he felt himself avoiding the prince. It wasn't hard since they still ran on separate schedules, but Claude was always a little afraid that when he looked up he would see Dimitri. What expression would he see on the prince? Claude did not know how he would react either, he was scared of what his own face would betray. He didn't intend to run away from Dimitri, only he knew he could not face the prince unless it was at night, secluded in their library. Only then he knew he could talk to him (about what, Claude still wasn't sure). So he kept his head low and stayed busy during his free time outside of the classroom. Time drifted achingly slowly, it felt as if Claude could feel every minute passing by. Meanwhile his mind cycled over the same thoughts, through an overwhelming sadness and then bitterness towards his own weakness. Claude wasn't one to dwell on things. He learned to be proactive and find solutions for his problems, but here, he was stuck. These weren't his problems. </p><p>When night finally fell, when the students were in bed and the stars crawled back into the sky, Claude left his room. What if Dimitri wasn't there tonight? Claude dismissed the thought immediately as he climbed up the staircase, if he was not in the library then he would be somewhere else and Claude would find him. He turned left and entered the library. It was as it always was: books and ink, a couple of lamps on the table on the far end, and of course, Dimitri. Claude came in and reached the table. He didn't sit, instead he leaned against the adjacent table. Dimitri looked up at the boy in surprise. He frowned. His books sat untouched on the table. He looked down at his hands on his lap, nervous, and then back up at Claude.</p><p>"I was not sure if you would come today." Dimitri said, his voice low. Claude let out his breath. He pulled his chair over to sit by the corner of the table in front of the prince. </p><p>"We can talk about it, if you like." Claude replied. </p><p>"There isn't much to talk about," Dimitri started, smiling cynically. "I've had these dreams ever since the tragedy. Every time I fall asleep I watch my parents, my family and friends die. They happen almost every night yet they never seize to feel any less real." </p><p>"Last night was... particularly bad and I am sorry you had to deal with that." Dimitri frowned. Claude saw Dimitri was trying to uphold some of that man he was during the day, the role model, the noble prince. He didn't realize that Claude did not want it. </p><p>"I wish there was some way I could help." Claude did not know what else to say. </p><p>"Why waste your time, Claude? It is a lost cause." Dimitri protested. "I am only embarrassed that you saw me in such a state." </p><p>He looked upset, but only at himself. He kept speaking too, but Claude could not hear him anymore. Everything around him went quiet save for his heart beat which only hastened. All he wanted was for Dimitri to understand that Claude would not leave—that he could not leave him. He had gone down the staircase, he had crossed the line, and he didn't want to go back, but he did not know how to pour his heart out to someone else. He learned to keep all his secrets to himself, to bury them deep in his heart. Honesty and affections were far from his strengths. For all his teasing and flirting, Claude felt ill equipped to show love. </p><p>"Dimitri," Claude finally spoke, interrupting the prince, his voice loud and firm. Dimitri looked up at him with his water blue eyes. He was startled. Before Dimitri had a moment to reply, Claude pulled his collar and pressed his lips onto Dimitri's. Claude expected Dimitri to pull back, but he didn't, so Claude let the kiss linger a moment longer before he parted. </p><p>"That's why, okay?" Claude stated, attempting to steel his pounding heart. He felt fire burning in his chest. Dimitri looked at Claude, wide eyed and lips parted. Red blossomed in cheeks, deeper than the orange glow from the lamp nearby. Claude thought of the sunrise: red and orange and yellow. Heavy silence hung in the air; both boys did not let go of each other's gaze.</p><p>"Okay." Dimitri responded, his voice so low it almost passed Claude's ear. Claude was not sure what response he expected from Dimitri, but it was not compliance. There were no protests or explanations required. He thought perhaps Dimitri was right and that they really did understand each other. He didn't know what else to do but smile helplessly. </p><p>"And look, I know it isn't much, but I will be here with you at night, whether you want to stay awake or you want to sleep," Claude reached for Dimitri's hand. "I'll be next to you, holding your hand." Claude had nothing else to offer to the prince than that. Dimitri had an unreadable expression on his face, his eyes melancholic and unseeing. Claude could not guess what was on his mind. </p><p>"Okay," Dimitri eventually repeated. Claude could tell Dimitri was resigning, letting down his walls for Claude. His eyes came back to Claude and he looked at the boy with a sad, almost defeated, smile. "Thank you."</p>
<h1>---</h1><p>Claude knew it would not be easy. There was no easy way to watch the boy he cared for trapped in his nightmares; there was no easy way to watch him continue to carry on weighed by the ghosts of his past. But Claude never looked away. He held him close when the prince violently woke from his sleep and whispered softly into his ear. When Dimitri did not sleep at night, Claude stayed beside him as he had the last few months. </p><p>Winter had begun to approach and things fell into a new routine. They still met at the library, now they did not come to read away the night or finish school work; they met only to be with each other. As promised, Claude kept close to the prince if he felt like sleeping. He would rest his head on the table, hold Claude's hand and sleep. Claude had gotten better at comforting the prince if he woke up screaming or startled. It wasn't easy still, but he knew which words to voice to sooth the prince. He knew when it was best to let the dreams pass in his sleep and when to shake him awake. Despite this, Claude found there were several days where Dimitri fell asleep, four or five hours sometimes, in quiet slumber. It was a relief to them both during those nights. </p><p>As Gerrg Mach was situated at the center of Fodlan, its weather was more temperate than the other regions, however Claude, a child of the sun, still found it to be too cold. He wore his warmer layers before making his way through the empty halls. The whole academy was chilled, everything felt cold to the touch. He entered the library and made his way to the last table and took a seat next to Dimitri. The prince was dressed in his regular tunic with a thick fur hide enveloping his shoulders. Maybe he should bring some tea for them next time to stay warm, Claude thought absentmindedly. </p><p>Tonight, Dimitri had a book open in front of him—the same history book Claude had been currently reading (this one was about the history of the Church of Serios—a neat, censored history).</p><p>"Oh, are you going to give me a history lesson tonight?" Claude mused. He rested his head on the table, using his arms as his pillow. Examinations were fast approaching and the last few nights involved Claude reviewing battalion formations and strategy with Dimitri. As a consequence of all the studying, he was admittedly running on even less hours of sleep than usual. </p><p>"I don't know if I can confidently lecture you on this, but I can read it out loud if you like." Dimitri replied, slightly flustered. </p><p>"I would like that." Claude said, giving Dimitri one of his playful smiles. Dimitri handed him the book, Claude flipped through to find the page he had been on last before returning it back to the prince. Dimitri skimmed over the page first, he had already read this book. He looked over at Claude, resting easily and awaiting in anticipation for his bedtime story. </p><p>Dimitri began. </p><p>Dimitri's voice voice was mild, solid and deep, it carried well in the empty library. He paused every now and then to skim the contents ahead of time before he began to read once more. Despite the otherwise dull content, Claude found it relaxing. Dimitri had only recently begun to open up to him and as a result, he hadn't had the pleasure of listening to his voice utter more than a few sentences at a time. But now he was his personal storyteller. Claude smiled. He closed his eyes and drifted off to the sound of the prince's voice. </p><p>Claude's eyes fluttered open. He blinked a few times and quickly gathered his surroundings, remembering he was in the library. He didn't lift his head from the table yet, finding himself quite comfortable in this moment. He found Dimitri in front of him still, his head resting on the table next to his, quietly watching the boy.</p><p>"Hello, sleepyhead." Dimitri said, smiling softly. He wondered if he slept long. Claude's gaze lingered on the boy: his golden hair that fell across the table, his hand which lay a breath away from his own, fingers barely touching, and his lips—pink and lovely. Claude reached out to move Dimitri's hair from his face, tucking his bangs behind his ear. He let his hand linger. He realized belatedly a warm weight over his back—Dimitri's fur had been blanketing him. Claude leaned closer to Dimitri. <em>I want to kiss him</em>, he thought. As if reading his mind, or perhaps simply reading the desire written on his face, Dimitri rose his head from the table and pressed his lips against Claude. </p><p>The first thing Claude felt was warmth, as if the last bits of winter were melting from his body. He wanted to pull the prince closer and hold onto every bit of warmth he provided. But he didn't. He pulled back. Dimitri, tilting his head, looked at the boy curiously.</p><p>"Hey, you know that you don't owe me anything right? We can just stay here together and we don't have to do anything else." Claude stated, holding back the emotions in his voice. It had been weighing on Claude that Dimitri may have felt compelled to return his feelings since Claude had gone out of his way to help the prince at night. People didn't extend a hand without expecting something in return, Claude and Dimitri both knew this. However, what Dimitri probably didn't know was that seeing the prince fall asleep quietly was all Claude wanted in return. He didn't want to see the boy he loved tormented and hollow, he wanted to see the parts of Dimitri that weren't weighed by the past or by royal duties. He didn't think there was too much of Dimitri left when you removed those parts, but that was all the more reason to seek those parts out and to let them grow. He did not want anything else other than to see Dimitri happy. </p><p>Dimitri looked at Claude in surprise for a moment. His expression settled, understanding. </p><p>"I know, Claude." Dimitri started. A smile tugged on his face. He kept his gaze on the boy and continued, "But you are easily the most handsome and smartest student in the academy and over the past few months, I've seen that you are also one of the kindest." Dimitri's voice was low and deep, but it lacked it's usual strength and gravity. Instead, it was gentle. "I want this. You."</p><p>"I know it must be difficult to stay up at night and watch me. I have wanted to make you go away so many times, but I think you are the only person I do not have to hide this from. Something about you makes it so difficult for me to push away, even when I know it's for your own good." Dimitri continued. He grabbed Claude's hand and interlocked fingers with his own. The prince's hand was rough to the touch, but warm, Claude had gotten familiar with holding it. Dimitri pressed his lips to their hands before speaking again. </p><p>"When I am holding your hand at night, a terrible part of me holds on to the hope that things will be okay." </p><p>Dimitri's thumb gently caressed the boy's cheek before making home at the back of his neck. He pulled him closer. Claude opened his mouth and kissed him deeper, one hand rested on Dimitri's thigh while the other snaked around his waist. <em>Closer</em>, Claude thought. Dimitri kissed him slowly and carefully, the same way Claude would see him review his lessons. Every step was deliberate. Claude let him dictate the pace, happy to comply with his desires. Dimitri got up from his chair and pulled Claude with him. He pressed him onto the table until Claude sat on top of it. Somewhere along the way, Claude felt Dimitri's fur fall off of him and quickly felt the warmth escape him. It only made him press closer to Dimitri. He wrapped his legs around the boy while Dimitri tipped Claude's chin to meet his lips for a kiss. His breath hitched when the prince trailed kisses down his neck. Dimitri hummed in approval, tickling Claude’s skin. Claude relished in the impossibility of this situation. During the day, Dimitri was always so wound up, dressed in their school uniform, every inch of his body tightly covered, along with additional armor. He dressed ready to fight. But here, he was so open. His tunic loose enough that with a little bit of movement it exposed his deep collarbone or shoulder. Claude's hand snaked under it and rested against his abs. He wanted to pull the shirt over Dimitri's head and press his lips against every part of Dimitri's body, but he had to remind himself that they were at the library. Although very unlikely, anyone could walk in. Well, that made it all the more exciting, he supposed. </p><p>"This is a lot more fun than studying." Claude flirted, earning a smile from Dimitri as he leaned in for another kiss.</p><p>"Well, it's necessary to take breaks in between studying." Dimitri replied, smiling into their kiss.</p>
<h1>---</h1><p>"Are you sure you want to sleep on this table and not on your bed?" Claude eventually inquired. He had been wondering this for a while. Dimitri had just begun to settle into his chair and rested his head on the table while one hand was linked to Claude's. Claude knocked his knuckle against the hard wooden table. "It doesn't seem very comfortable." </p><p>"It's not as comfortable as a bed, I suppose, but you're here. I think I sleep better when you're next to me." Dimitri explained. He appeared flustered by his own words making Claude's heart thump against his chest. It was a sight Claude never grew tired of. Dimitri looked towards their interlocked hands. </p><p>"I dream less." Dimitri continued. His voice was small. Claude exhaled, smiling. He was hesitant to believe that it was true, that he had some sort of power over Dimitri's dreams, but he did know that there had been several nights where Dimitri slept peacefully next to Claude. The thought was comforting.</p><p>"Oh, well, I can always come to your room then, if you want." The words spilled out without thought. It was the necessary next step to ensure Dimitri would sleep well. Moreover, Claude’s room was right next door—it seemed like a convenient arrangement. He didn't consider the other implications of his suggestion until it left his lips. His face reddened. He opened his mouth to say more, but promptly closed it. He knew if he tried to say anymore it would only come out as a jumble of incoerent words. Dimitri looked equally surprised by the suggestion. His eyes widened and lips parted. He said nothing for a moment. </p><p>"Okay," Dimitri breathed out.</p><p><em>What am I getting myself into?</em> Claude thought as the two boys made their way back to the dormitories. They walked mostly in silence. The flame from Dimitri's lamp provided a lit path to his room. Claude was curious to see what the prince's room looked like, but his curiosity was not satisfied when they entered. The single lamp gave away little in his room. The only detail Claude could note was that it was not as neat as he would have imagined. He could make out pieces of armour scattered on the ground and clothes piled over his desk. Dimitri put the lamp aside by his nightstand. He reached out to Claude. Claude, only slightly hesitant, took his hand. </p><p>They fell on his bed, a little pressed for space, but it was okay. Dimitri climbed over Claude and pressed down for a kiss. Claude felt Dimitri more than he saw him. He felt his lips and tongue, heavy in his mouth with the faintest taste of chamomile. He felt his hands, large and solid, moving up and down his body. Claude groaned. Chest to chest, his heart was pounding. His body felt sick with love and his chest ached with emotions. Love, excitement, fear, anxiety—he wasn't sure what he was feeling. Only, he knew it was too much. He ran his hand through Dimitri's hair and trailed downwards, resting on his chest. </p><p>"Are you sure about this?" Claude breathed out in between kisses. He still wasn't sure what to make of Dimitri's feelings—he wasn't sure if he could trust anyone's feelings. There was a small handful of individuals that Claude trusted to be genuine with him and not many of them were in Fodlan. He supposed he didn't need to know if Dimitri's feelings were the same as his, only that he was okay doing what they were doing. </p><p>"Of course, Claude." Dimitri murmured, his voice sounded hoarse. Claude liked the way his name sounded on Dimitri's lips. It was heavy on his tongue and it stayed there just a second too long, he took his time to articulate each syllable. Claude had gotten the confirmation he wanted and let his hand wander down Dimitri's body. He felt his skin beneath his shirt, rough and torn. His fingers traced over various raised scar tissues running along his body and he knew he would have to take his time and kiss every one of them. For now, Claude flirted with the hem of Dimitri's trousers before slipping his hand in. Dimitri gasped softly at the touch. </p><p>Urgency washed over them. They were clumsy in the dark, only looking to please each other, but neither of them quite knowing how. They worked each other to completion and clung to each other afterwards, Dimitri pressing small kisses on Claude's chest and Claude playing with Dimitri's hair. He threaded his fingers carefully through Dimitri's hair, it had become messy, so Claude took to quietly combing it back into place, absentmindedly, as he waited for Dimitri to fall asleep. </p><p>"Will you sleep now?" Dimitri asked, his voice muffled against Claude's chest. He could hear the fatigue in his words. It was still early in their books. It could not be an hour or two past midnight. Claude's body responded before his voice could as he yawned deeply, his eyelids suddenly feeling heavy. Dimitri lifted himself from Claude's chest and rested his head on the pillow so that he could meet the boy's eyes. He touched his cheek in the dark, tracing Claude's jaw with his thumb. Quietly, he spoke, "You can sleep now. You are safe with me." </p><p>Claude's jaw tightened just slightly under Dimitri's touch before relaxing once again. He didn't like the idea of falling asleep before Dimitri, what if he needed him? But he couldn't resist the tiredness overcoming him and more importantly, the sense of peace he felt. Here, in Dimitri's arms, on his too-small bed, he felt at ease. His mind was going blissfully silent. So, he closed his eyes, secured Dimitri in his arms and whispered one last thing before he fell asleep, "And you with me."</p>
<h1>---</h1><p>Claude woke up to the sound of birds chirping. The sunlight had begun to peak through the windows illuminating the two boys tangled up in Dimitri's bed. He came to himself slowly, almost forgetting that this wasn't his room until he noticed all the blue. Dimitri woke up a minute after, his eyes fluttering awake. He looked at Claude, tucked in his chest and smiled sleepily. </p><p>"Did you sleep well?" Claude asked, already knowing the answer—his nightmares had spared him last night. They both slept soundly. </p><p>"Yes, actually, I had a nice dream." Dimitri replied. Claude perked up, raising a brow. </p><p>"What did you dream about?" </p><p>"I dreamt about you."</p>
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